Jonah and the Wail....

And so it begins...another generation has found life....Jonah, our first grandson was born last week....much anticipated, but this week is just another week...or so it seems...the reality of who he is, hasn't set in...we will rarely see him...and there will be other children who I see regularly that will probably remain just as much a part of our life or more then he will....a cruel truth...not expected....and certainly not welcomed...but that's the way the cookie crumbles...I'll get over it, accept it, because I have no alternative...I'll throw my attention into my own life, and my projects and not focus on what I wish it could be...there is a hurt in my heart, (seems to be the case alot lately) and the source is repeatedly the same...so it seems easier to just let it go...fool myself into believing it doesn't matter...because it doesn't to anyone but me...oh how I long to have the emotions (none) of Bob, he never responds to life emotionally...ever....just a whatever mentality...so beginning now I have to adopt that position...I've been hurt before, and I will deal with it, soothe it, replace it with something else...something that will allow me to come to grips with this new title...I am a gramma they tell me...why doesn't my heart feel like it....instead, it just feels like another day....another week, another month...wailing doesn't change a darn thing....nothing can, nothing will...