HOLIDAY DEPRESSION

I often wonder why I feel so bummed out some days of the holiday season....life changes so much, and your kids grow up and out, and it just gets so old and tiring to do so much work on your holiday preparation for a few hours of enjoyment....it's like a wedding...it's so fleeting....I don't like it....

I like the lights, the colors, the sounds, the music...the story of Christmas....but the joy is missing for some reason....not the joy that lives in my heart, that is always there....the joy of Christ's birth, that I love to reflect on, what it must of been like for Mary that week....live in her mind....that gives me joy....

Not having my kids around just makes it seem so unnecessary anymore....I think that maybe Bob and I should find some of our own traditions...leave...go away so we don't put the pressure on them to be here, and we aren't disappointed because they don't come....I really wish they would start hosting it...let them go through all the prep and experience some of the disappointment of no shows...

I just can't seem to find any motivation at times....sometimes I wish we could just skip to January....I know that sounds selfish, and it is, but it makes it very hard for the later years of life....one day we all will feel it...I understand better how my mom felt. I feel so sorry for how I handled things when I had the chance way back then...I understand better why they are gone for the holidays...guess maybe it's a good plan after all....we'll see...next year the plans will start early...maybe Disneyland for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and if they come, fine and if they don't that is ok too.....it's got to be different.....