Jonah and the Wail....

And so it begins...another generation has found life....Jonah, our first grandson was born last week....much anticipated, but this week is just another week...or so it seems...the reality of who he is, hasn't set in...we will rarely see him...and there will be other children who I see regularly that will probably remain just as much a part of our life or more then he will....a cruel truth...not expected....and certainly not welcomed...but that's the way the cookie crumbles...I'll get over it, accept it, because I have no alternative...I'll throw my attention into my own life, and my projects and not focus on what I wish it could be...there is a hurt in my heart, (seems to be the case alot lately) and the source is repeatedly the same...so it seems easier to just let it go...fool myself into believing it doesn't matter...because it doesn't to anyone but me...oh how I long to have the emotions (none) of Bob, he never responds to life emotionally...ever....just a whatever mentality...so beginning now I have to adopt that position...I've been hurt before, and I will deal with it, soothe it, replace it with something else...something that will allow me to come to grips with this new title...I am a gramma they tell me...why doesn't my heart feel like it....instead, it just feels like another day....another week, another month...wailing doesn't change a darn thing....nothing can, nothing will...

A Lesson From The Canyon

I started down Bonquet Canyon Road recently, only to find the clouds low and sitting on the road, so you couldn't see more then about 30 yards or so in front of you....I love overcast days on the canyon, so I was enjoying it...my music played soothing relaxing sounds of keyboards of joyful noise....my thoughts turned to God, as they usually do on my commutes...in doing so I found a wonderful object lesson there....

I was reminded that I could probably sit with my eyes closed, and draw the canyon road on paper, accurately getting curves and details of the winding trip down, because I have driven it repeatedly for the last few decades, and I am intimately acquainted with it...yet, this day, I couldn't see far enough ahead of me to feel comfortable driving at a normal speed....I chose to slow down, careful for what might lie around the next curve, since I have come upon accidents from time to time there....
That is when I realized.....our lives are much the same...we are familiar with the everyday routines, we plan what we will do tomorrow, and feel comfortable about what the next day, week, month or year might have for us...it's routine...but then God allows us to come upon a life curve where we can't see what is around the other side....why this Lord? I can't see what good there is in it....it slows us down, and at times we'd just as soon pull off the road entirely...until the way is clearer....

Then we zoom on through life, forgetting that we were detained....beautiful things happening around us, but we don't notice...they become a blur of activity that carries us through our days, until God slows us down again...another curve, another cloud, another pain, another hurt.....






The reminder was to slow down, learn all He has for me in those curves, and the cloudy obscure moments of my life....the beauty is still there, I just have to look for it...not fly by it, ignoring the fact that He has allowed it in my life for a purpose, and it is up to me to look for it, and if the way is too dimmed to see it, I can still be assured it is out there, and I don't have to always understand it...I can trust Him for what is around the curves of my life, because He knows the road I will take and has laid it out before me....and there, when the clouds lift, and the curves straighten out, I can see it too....if I deviate from the paved road, I will be on dirt roads, with rocks, and cliffs, and mud that would cause me to be stuck, spiritually stalled out...in need of rescuing....

that would be a mess...

or I could be looking in my rearview mirror, at what I have past by, diverting my attention from what lies ahead....and wishing I could go back and do things differently....and then not be ready for what He has ahead for me....






Press forward He says....forgetting what lies behind, and pressing on towards the high calling....and there I will meet with beautiful moments, spent with Him, with people I love, in worship for all the wonder and amazement that He loves even little old me....that in all this big world, He keeps His watchful eye on me...caring for me and loving me so much, blessing me....I thank you Lord for the simple lessons in life you so poignantly provide me with....even if it is just on a drive down the canyon.....

HOLIDAY DEPRESSION

I often wonder why I feel so bummed out some days of the holiday season....life changes so much, and your kids grow up and out, and it just gets so old and tiring to do so much work on your holiday preparation for a few hours of enjoyment....it's like a wedding...it's so fleeting....I don't like it....

I like the lights, the colors, the sounds, the music...the story of Christmas....but the joy is missing for some reason....not the joy that lives in my heart, that is always there....the joy of Christ's birth, that I love to reflect on, what it must of been like for Mary that week....live in her mind....that gives me joy....

Not having my kids around just makes it seem so unnecessary anymore....I think that maybe Bob and I should find some of our own traditions...leave...go away so we don't put the pressure on them to be here, and we aren't disappointed because they don't come....I really wish they would start hosting it...let them go through all the prep and experience some of the disappointment of no shows...

I just can't seem to find any motivation at times....sometimes I wish we could just skip to January....I know that sounds selfish, and it is, but it makes it very hard for the later years of life....one day we all will feel it...I understand better how my mom felt. I feel so sorry for how I handled things when I had the chance way back then...I understand better why they are gone for the holidays...guess maybe it's a good plan after all....we'll see...next year the plans will start early...maybe Disneyland for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and if they come, fine and if they don't that is ok too.....it's got to be different.....

Balboa Island....

Went down to Balboa Island to help a friend get settled into her new little place there...it is such a quaint little village of ocean homes, and while I can't remember alot of things in childhood, I do recall when we used to go down there to my uncle's house on the island, and hang out...of course, we were to be seen and not heard around them...they also had a yacht and when we would go out on it, my aunt would always have Cheetos she would put out for the "adults" and we weren't allowed to touch them...just savor the wish that we could have one...she wasn't very nice at that point....definitely not one of my favorites, eating Cheetos in front of children and not sharing!! The thought of it....but the island was fun...I later stayed with some college friends there...we had a great time too...saw Buddy Ebson watering his yard...but he didn't look like a hillbilly then...

I look forward to going back for more visits in the coming months...can't wait until it is foggy and rainy...my kind of day!!

SILENT GROWTH

I was reflectiing on our garden this morning...

Bob didn't think the plants we have would do well from seedlings...he thought we'd need to buy the established plants to have them do well....

Negatory....as you can see, we clearly have crazy all over the place plants...it has been so much fun for us to see it grow...


We had put this raised bed system on a timed drip system...plant and walk away, everything is on automatic pilot...we just harvest the fruit of it....
...amazing how fast it changes, how quickly the plants became overgrown...I am reminded that the process is so much like...

.... Our walk with the Lord...someone planted a seed of the hope we have in Christ, and then time and time again, the water of knowledge makes the seed open up and begin it's growth process..
.. one day God brings that little seedling to the surface of the dirt, and eventually it clears the dirt surface, stronger and green and growing towards the light of the sun (Son)......sometimes we aren't aware, like the silent growth of a garden that something is happening....we can't see it happening..but it continues it's growth...clearing the dirt of the sin of our past, never completely free from the dust of it's dirt bed, yet no longer surrounded by what it broke free from...

....situations come up (in our case, squirrels all 14 of them that we had to relocate) and just as we protected our plants, God works circumstances out around us that we aren't even aware of, loving us, creating a safe environment for our growth...we need to be mindful of His graciousness, protecting and working things out that might thwart our growth when we are not even aware of it...

...then there is cause for pruning, like suckers on a tomato plant that would grown into nothing useful yet sap the water from the good part of the plant...we too have those times when life would sap our energy and divert us from recognizing the good in our life...pinching those suckers off quickly and while small, benefits the plant...Lord, guard the goodness of my life by pinching the suckers of discontentment, selfishness, anger, hurtfulness, slander, an unloving attitude, or discouragement towards those you have walk through my life...

...quietly the plant grows, and flowers of the fruit appear...how lovely they are...I am reminded that these are the times I have been mindful of being loving and kind, and an encouragement to those around me...sharing what He has provided to me, with others...living a life that pleases Him...

...the fruit of the flower appears, vunerable and at it's best potential for harm...birds, ants, heat, broken stems...cracks, burns, bites....we must let the Master Gardener search ... and find that which He will, and remove or repair those elements as only He knows how....guarding our hearts, soothing our souls, and healing our brokenness....creating an environment that allows us to flourish in His care...subjecting ourself to His sovereign will....relinquishing control, trusting His ability to protect that which He has created...for His purpose.

...and one day, the fruit is ready for harvest...one day He will bring us to that place of perfection, and glory in His storehouse...


I find myself in all aspects of the growth process....at times fighting for control, rejecting His desire for me, thinking I have a better way, refusing the cultivating He would like to do in me...impatient, feeling like He just is not very quick about things...

...Lord, help me allow you to be the Master Gardener in my life, every minute of every day...aware of your tending to my needs, the touch of your hand, the weeding of that which would harm me...give me peace that you see every flower and the fruit of the labor...help me be mindful of opportune moments to love and share with those you bring into my life....may I be willing to be pruned for your glory...thank you for loving me, when I am unloving....thank you Lord for the wonder of silent growth.....

GETTING READY FOR VACATION

We are headed out on a three week vacation next month, and I need about 4 weeks of time to get things ready...so much to do so little time...with school and current client work, things are a bit hectic...throw in a few surprise makeover projects and time crunch comes as no surprise...clearly I have neglected my blog, due to time restraints...but I am looking forward to the trip...a road trip...need the break with my hubby...it will be nice...we haven't spent more then 3 days alone in 30 years, so we will either have a lot of fun together, fight a lot (hope not) or a combo of the two....trying to take some car projects to do...and looking forward to sleeping a lot....hoping I can post some pics in route....off we go, into the wild blue yonder....

MASTER BEDROOM SURPRISE

So we helped out our son as he surprised his wife of one year, with a room makeover...we painted and installed the beam, the crown moulding, and then new bedding, nightstands, chair and table and a vanity area....she was very happy with it, and we had a great time as a family putting it together...my favorite thing was the canopy curtains...they were so easy to do, and added such a romantic touch...

Jenna is so gracious, and I told Josh, if she doesn't like something she doesn't have to keep it...I figured the lamps were the least favorable, so it will be nice for her to finish off her own touches to the room....it's tranquil and a quiet kind of cozy...great fun...enjoy!