Jonah and the Wail....

And so it begins...another generation has found life....Jonah, our first grandson was born last week....much anticipated, but this week is just another week...or so it seems...the reality of who he is, hasn't set in...we will rarely see him...and there will be other children who I see regularly that will probably remain just as much a part of our life or more then he will....a cruel truth...not expected....and certainly not welcomed...but that's the way the cookie crumbles...I'll get over it, accept it, because I have no alternative...I'll throw my attention into my own life, and my projects and not focus on what I wish it could be...there is a hurt in my heart, (seems to be the case alot lately) and the source is repeatedly the same...so it seems easier to just let it go...fool myself into believing it doesn't matter...because it doesn't to anyone but me...oh how I long to have the emotions (none) of Bob, he never responds to life emotionally...ever....just a whatever mentality...so beginning now I have to adopt that position...I've been hurt before, and I will deal with it, soothe it, replace it with something else...something that will allow me to come to grips with this new title...I am a gramma they tell me...why doesn't my heart feel like it....instead, it just feels like another day....another week, another month...wailing doesn't change a darn thing....nothing can, nothing will...

A Lesson From The Canyon

I started down Bonquet Canyon Road recently, only to find the clouds low and sitting on the road, so you couldn't see more then about 30 yards or so in front of you....I love overcast days on the canyon, so I was enjoying it...my music played soothing relaxing sounds of keyboards of joyful noise....my thoughts turned to God, as they usually do on my commutes...in doing so I found a wonderful object lesson there....

I was reminded that I could probably sit with my eyes closed, and draw the canyon road on paper, accurately getting curves and details of the winding trip down, because I have driven it repeatedly for the last few decades, and I am intimately acquainted with it...yet, this day, I couldn't see far enough ahead of me to feel comfortable driving at a normal speed....I chose to slow down, careful for what might lie around the next curve, since I have come upon accidents from time to time there....
That is when I realized.....our lives are much the same...we are familiar with the everyday routines, we plan what we will do tomorrow, and feel comfortable about what the next day, week, month or year might have for us...it's routine...but then God allows us to come upon a life curve where we can't see what is around the other side....why this Lord? I can't see what good there is in it....it slows us down, and at times we'd just as soon pull off the road entirely...until the way is clearer....

Then we zoom on through life, forgetting that we were detained....beautiful things happening around us, but we don't notice...they become a blur of activity that carries us through our days, until God slows us down again...another curve, another cloud, another pain, another hurt.....






The reminder was to slow down, learn all He has for me in those curves, and the cloudy obscure moments of my life....the beauty is still there, I just have to look for it...not fly by it, ignoring the fact that He has allowed it in my life for a purpose, and it is up to me to look for it, and if the way is too dimmed to see it, I can still be assured it is out there, and I don't have to always understand it...I can trust Him for what is around the curves of my life, because He knows the road I will take and has laid it out before me....and there, when the clouds lift, and the curves straighten out, I can see it too....if I deviate from the paved road, I will be on dirt roads, with rocks, and cliffs, and mud that would cause me to be stuck, spiritually stalled out...in need of rescuing....

that would be a mess...

or I could be looking in my rearview mirror, at what I have past by, diverting my attention from what lies ahead....and wishing I could go back and do things differently....and then not be ready for what He has ahead for me....






Press forward He says....forgetting what lies behind, and pressing on towards the high calling....and there I will meet with beautiful moments, spent with Him, with people I love, in worship for all the wonder and amazement that He loves even little old me....that in all this big world, He keeps His watchful eye on me...caring for me and loving me so much, blessing me....I thank you Lord for the simple lessons in life you so poignantly provide me with....even if it is just on a drive down the canyon.....